I was attacked by a bird

I guess I should start by wishing you a happy 2024. I hope you are not attacked by a bird this year. Anyway, before we moved to Australia, people warned me about the spiders and the snakes, even the so-called drop bears, but not the birds. This is my tale of how I was attacked by a bird.

Some background

I lived in South Africa for 29 years and since it is a country rife with violent crime; I am very paranoid even though I live in safe Australia now.

Also, I exercise every afternoon after work. There’s an online program that I follow and I exercise in the living area in front of the TV. This is probably not an important detail, but it does make me feel better about myself.

The story

One afternoon, my husband and his friend were over at our place because they were installing the new dishwashing machine. Since it’s an open-plan house, I didn’t want to exercise in front of them because I knew they would judge me.

So, I decided to go for a walk. I was about a block away and already I was off with the fairies.

Suddenly, something struck my head. At first, I thought I was being mugged and looked around for the mofo who picked the wrong day to mess with me.

I heard the magpie. It was magpie breeding season, and I was unaware of the magpie nest.

I ran, and it followed me for about 50 meters. It was late afternoon and my long shadow was to my right. As I was running with my satchel over my head for protection, I saw shadows of me running and the magpie that kept coming at me.

Eventually, the bird left me alone and I could assess the damage. The stupid bird drew blood, but the scar healed in a few days. The embarrassment still haunts me. I vaguely remember people laughing as I ran away.

The next day, the council came by and I thought they would move the nest because there are a lot of families with kids near the nest.

They did not. They just put up signs warning people about the magpie. Magpies can be pretty vicious.

At least the breeding season is over. Next year I’ll be wiser—I hope.

Meh.

Michelle

P.S. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to comment below, send an email to thatmichelleperson@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @M_ClutterBox