Ingredients for a perfect wedding

I’m getting married one of these days and it got me thinking about the perfect wedding. I’m probably not going to have my dream wedding because we are in a rush to get married before half the family moves away. Also, my dream wedding is in Disneyland and that’s not really within our budget. So, let’s talk about the ingredients for a perfect wedding.

I’m but a simple woman

I don’t really want that much. I want to look pretty, stuff my face, and spend time with my weird friends – that’s about it.

People keep asking me about the colour scheme, décor, my dress, etc. And the simple answer is – I don’t know, and honestly, these are all things that I don’t care about.

Can I just say, dresses are seriously expensive! I didn’t want to spend a buttload of money on a dress that I’ll only wear once. Also, I hate dresses. I tried to buy one off the rack at regular clothing shops, but they either don’t have dresses at all or they’re in the wrong size.

I considered buying a dress online, but then again, I have seen too many videos of people getting dresses that look nothing like the photo on the website. Or even worse, the dress is beautiful and then it’s too small. I would cry my eyes out.

I just hired a gorgeous dress in the end.

Speaking of crying

I think I’m already getting a nervous breakdown because all this wedding planning is happening as we are also planning our massive move, and I’m working and studying. Oh, and there were protests at the university where I work. Yep, things are looking bleak.

I cannot deal. It’s just too much, and me being somewhat of a control freak and perfectionist also does not help the situation.


I don’t like weddings. Is that weird? I’ve only been to a few and most of them were quite ‘meh’. I think if people give up their time and bring you a gift, the least you can do is to show them a good time. That’s what I want to do at my wedding.


I’m not just here to complain, I have a few suggestions on how you can make your nuptials enjoyable for all those involved.

Open bar

Expecting your wedding guests to pay for their alcohol is just disrespectful. For most people alcohol is the only thing that makes the wedding tolerable, so don’t force them to pay for it. Do the right thing, budget to get your guests wasted.

However, I’m probably going to have our wedding in the morning, so my guests are getting cake and juice because I do what I want.

Someone should object

“If there is anyone who objects to these two being bound in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Have you ever been at a wedding where someone actually objected? Me neither, but I really want it to happen, even if it’s just as a joke.

The couple could arrange for someone to object to surprise the guests. However, if you do this, make it interesting. Have the bride or groom’s best friend (same sex) object and say they’re in love with them.

Then again, this could backfire. For instance, someone can jump up and say: “I knew he was gay!” Awkward…

So, preferably I don’t want this at my wedding, but it will be super funny at someone else’s wedding.

There must be a drunk uncle

I want to see the stereotypical drunk uncle at a wedding. I want this guy to be an old, wasted guy, who says inappropriate things, flirts with the bride’s maids, catches the bouquet against all odds, and dances on the tables like nobody’s watching. (Well, technically nobody would watch per se, they’ll probably be looking at the entire ordeal through their smart phones’ camera.)

Unfortunately, I don’t have a drunk uncle – my family is so disappointing. Also, it being a morning wedding, there won’t be alcohol. So, I can kiss the drunk uncle fantasy goodbye.

Entertain your guests while you take your photos

Taking photos is fun, it really is, but it’s not fun for other people to wait for you while you’re taking photos.

What are your guests doing while you take those photos? They’re forced to stand around and listen to your crazy grandfather’s story for the third time about how he fought in the war – or how he almost married Marilyn Monroe – it really all depends on how senile he is.

To ease this torment, you can provide your guests with entertainment while they wait.

I’m planning on having a photo booth, and games like Heads Up!, and board games for the nerds (I’m not hating, they are my people), a pool table, etc. I’d love to have a bouncy castle, but my fiancé said no.

Proper food

You know those kinds of meals you see on cooking shows where there’s a bit of food in the middle of the plate with some sauce all around it? Yeah, nobody wants that shit at a wedding, especially not me. That is not a meal, that is an appetiser.

At my wedding, we will feast – or at least ‘feast’ as much as the budget allows us to.


Well, there you have it – everything you need to make your wedding day tolerable for your wedding guests.

No need to thank me.

Are you married? What was your wedding like? Is there anything you would want to change?



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