50 Shades of Caucasian

No, this post has nothing to do with “50 Shades of Grey”. This week at the fitness class my instructor said that she had never seen me in shorts, which is strange considering our city gets very hot during the summer and we’ve known each other for about five years. I am ashamed of being the pastiest of the 50 shades of Caucasian in sunny South Africa.

So very pasty

I can’t wear shorts in this heat as my legs are the whites shade of Caucasian because I refuse to tan. If I’m perfectly honest, I’m also way too lazy to tan – which in itself is a lazy activity so that should tell you how bad it is. Also, I do karate, so often times I’m full of bruises and I don’t want anyone to think I’m being abused.

White people and tanning

What is it with white people and tanning anyway? This is what some of my black friends have asked me in the past. I must admit, I didn’t have an answer for them.

I’m white and I don’t really get it either. I mean you lay around in the sun – it’s uncomfortable, smelly, exhausting and for what? Most of the time I turn pink before I turn half a shade darker. I have to tan every day for a month before I actually see a difference.

Before my matric farewell, I did the sunbed thing. Well actually, it was one of those that you stand in. But I digress. It worked really well and each session was only ten minutes long (I went ten times). The only thing I didn’t like was that it made my skin smell funny after every shower for about a month.

I’ve tried self-tanning lotion and that didn’t work out great. You have to apply it evenly, but no matter how careful I was I could never do it. If you apply a little too much you end up looking like an Oompa Loompa. Also, when you shower the lotion gives off a funny smell and some of it washes off so you have to repeat the whole process.

Our shades

Coming back to the title of this post (it’s funny, isn’t it?), every white person can relate. Some parts of your body are in the sun more often than others, and therefore are more tanned. The thing with me is that only my face, neck and arms are relatively tanned and the rest is pasty white. So, all white people really are different shades of Caucasian. I can only speak for myself, but it is way too much effort to try and even things out, not to mention the health risks of laying in the sun.

The whole tanning thing is truly messed up when you think about it, because white people spend so much time and money to darken their skin, and there are still people with dark skin who use skin lightening cream. It’s madness – nobody wants to enjoy what they already have.

What is wrong with mankind?

Thoughtful meh


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50 Shades of Caucasian