My own conspiracy theory
A while back I wrote a post that mocked conspiracy theories, and now I have come up with my own conspiracy theory. Oh, the plot thickens.
I guess you can’t really call it a conspiracy theory. In fact, it was just something that I thought of one day when I was in my clutter box.
The theory is: all the aliens that come to earth are actually alien academics who have come here to study us.
My reasoning
I think that aliens exist.
I have never seen one myself, but statistically, they have to exist. There are millions of inhabitable planets in the universe, and it’s impossible that we’re the only ‘intelligent’ life forms there are. ‘Intelligent’ is in quotation marks for a reason.
The problem I always had was why would any alien in its right mind come to earth. I don’t think we have any resources they could want; the humans are definitely useless, and it’s a bit dull here.
In Douglas Adams’s words, the earth is ‘mostly harmless’.
The only logical reason I could think of was that aliens come to earth to study us.
Some aliens are professors at their universities (light years away) and they come to earth to study our species. They are likely whatever the alien equivalent is for anthropologists.
We are interesting subjects
Think about it, we are a bunch of weirdos.
For example, we have a Miss Universe competition, but we invite no other planets.
We have rockets, but no flying cars – how primitive.
We’re destroying the only planet we have, even though we have no idea how to get another one once this one is irrevocably fucked.
People hate and fight each other because of the colour of their skin (although biologically the rest is the same) – and somehow an orange man was the most powerful human on earth.
Humans have a strange obsession with pumpkin spice – must be related to the orange man.
They can’t escape
So, these alien researchers come here and I imagine a lot of them pick up space ship trouble.
These aliens studied in the Humanities (or whatever the alien equivalent is for it) and hence don’t know how to fix a ship. Humans are don’t know either, so they’re kind of screwed.
Then these aliens regret not having studied space rocket science and dark matter like a level headed-alien should.
Poor things, they just wanted to do some field research for their academic article or conference and end up as the property of the US military.
Well, you know, most of the time.
Finally
So, was this post weird? Definitely. But weird is what I do best.
Do you have any strange theories that you would like to share? Let your weirdness shine in the comments.
Michelle
P.S. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to comment below, send an email to thatmichelleperson@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @M_ClutterBox.
Michelle
If aliens are studying us right now, they will be having a field day. Thanks for the smile!
That Michelle Person
I think so too 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Helen
I don’t understand the humans’ obsession with the orange man either 🙂
That Michelle Person
Haha! Neither do I.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Erin Westphal
Having read a lot of science fiction (and getting a degree in chemistry), alien life seems almost intuitive. For all we know, they’ve taken the form of hornets or cats or some organism to study us, which is why we never find evidence of them or their ships. 😊 Who knows?
That Michelle Person
I like your theories – they sound like the Men in Black movies 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Britt K
I can’t help but think about how screwed up any aliens or beings would believe us to be with everything going on in the world today. Not only are we destroying the environment and backing ourselves into an unhealthy corner, but the events of 2020? How could you witness this and not question our sanity as a race?
That Michelle Person
Exactly! Wouldn’t that make us an interesting species to study? 🙂 The madness!
Thanks for reading!
Graham Crosby
An interesting read. It’s not something I give a lot of thought to, but that said, I’m with you. There’s so much out there that it can’t just be us, surely.
That Michelle Person
Thanks for reading! 🙂
bournemouthgirl
I like to hear other people’s thoughts and theories on difficult topics. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
That Michelle Person
Thanks for reading!
Thebusyshelf
This made my day!
“Then these aliens regret not having studied space rocket science and dark matter like a level headed-alien should.” <- loved it! Indeed, intelligent was right to be placed in quotation marks!
That Michelle Person
Thank you so much for reading and commenting 🙂
TheQuietGirl (Anissa)
Really like this post and it is weird but I like weird lol. I also aliens do exist, with huge universe we live in, I can’t really believe earth is the only planet that has life on it. It boggles my mind when persons don’t believe aliens exist lol. After 2020, I can’t really say if humans are ‘intelligent’.
That Michelle Person
I’m with you on that one. After 2020, I don’t think we can refer to ourselves as ‘intelligent’.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Tiffany McCullough - Metaphysical Mama
Thank you for this post! It made me smile. I think aliens exist too. The Universe is such a big place, it would be arrogant to think we are the only intelligent life in it. I can’t help but wonder if aliens watching us, is sort of like us watching really trashy day time tv, a guilty pleasure that you don’t want to admit you do.
That Michelle Person
I think ‘Earth’ is a wildly successful reality show around the universe 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Ming Qian
I love how unique this blog post is! It is very refreshing to read, and I never thought about whether we are worth studying from the point of view of aliens. I would imagine that we would be a peculiar species to study. Maybe the aliens will learn how NOT to destroy the very environment that we inhabit!
Ming Qian | Undergrad Blogger
That Michelle Person
I think we’re an example for aliens of how not to live as a species 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Greg Scott
I enjoy your blog posts.
One day, I should write a blog post about the night I saved the world from alien invasion. It’s a (mostly) true story with just a teeny bit of interpretation. I also learned, if you call the UFO hotline expecting to talk to an answering machine, don’t comment, “Oh wow, a live human answered!” when somebody answers. They’ll probably misinterpret.
That Michelle Person
I would definitely love to know how you saved us all from alien invasion. You need to write that blog post 🙂
Thanks for reading!
Cecile
I loved reading your post! Like you, I am convinced that aliens exist, we can’t be alone in the universe. But if they are studying us right now, they are probably having a blast!
That Michelle Person
Thanks for reading and commenting! 🙂