The Winter Olympics recently concluded and COVID-19 made everything difficult, but there were also concerns about banned substances. Since performance-enhancing drugs are so prevalent these days, I propose having a Stoned Olympics. (This whole post is a joke, so please chill out.)
What do I mean by Stoned Olympics? Well, let’s watch a video together:
(Sorry, I couldn’t get a better quality video. This comedian is Eddie Izzard, and he’s why I love British comedy.)
I must admit that I don’t follow the Olympics whenever it’s on. To be perfectly honest, I don’t follow any sport. I’m just not that interested.
However, if there was a Stoned Olympics, I would watch every event. I know for a fact, it would gain a lot of attention and make a massive amount of money.
Also, I think the Stoned Olympics would solve a big problem in sport: doping. It’s caused controversy in many sports (we’re looking at you, cycling), including Olympic sports. So, let’s solve the problem and allow drugs.
Then we can finally answer the question, how fast can humans really run?
I also propose that the Stoned Olympics be used as a scientific experiment.
The athletes should choose their type of drug, either performance-enhancing or performance-debilitating. Then when the time comes for the event, the athlete and their choice of drug should be shown on screen so that we can compare the effects of the different drugs on the results.
With the track events, like the 200m or 400m dash, I would like to see the athletes on drugs that make you super paranoid put in front so that they think the other athletes are chasing them. Again, this is to answer the question, how fast can a human really run?
Since it’s a scientific endeavour, the Olympic officials will need to make sure that the athletes have taken enough drugs. So, they will have to screen the athletes meticulously.
With everyone being high and the games so much more dangerous and entertaining, the ratings will go through the roof.
People like watching other people do stupid and dangerous things. That is exactly why Wipe Out is so successful.
What do you think about allowing drugs in sports? Do you think it will ever happen?