The worst advice
I’m not great at giving advice, and when I do find myself giving advice, I feel the need to make that disclaimer. This week I thought I’d share some of the worst advice I have received, as well as common ones we hear so often.
The worst romantic advice
It’s something we all experience, and we want to fare well in our relationships. So, we tend to listen to advice about love. (Side note: Isn’t it ironic that our single friends always have relationship advice?)
At one stage I was very single and unhappy about it. One of my oddball friends (yes, I certainly have more than one of those) said: “Michelle, no one is out of your league.”
I assumed this sentence would be followed by a compliment and end with “anyone would be lucky to have you.”
That is not how it went.
He continued with: “If you ever feel like someone is out of your league, dip yourself in confidence and go up to them. Then you break them down until they’re on your level.” I assume one would do this by giving the person a backhanded compliment.
Strange how this advice actually makes sense. However, it’s quite messed up. Don’t do it – please.
It reminds me of what people say to little girls: “He’s only mean because he likes you.” Do not teach young girls this – abuse is never love, no matter how trivial you may think the ‘abuse’ is. Maybe he’s mean because he’s a little spoilt asshole.
Here are examples of advice that we’ve all heard.
Worst advice about happiness
Your school years are the best years of your life.1
It’s really not. When you’re at school you’re young and stupid, and you don’t know who you are. Also, you have zero disposable income or skills. When you start working and such you have the opportunity to create the life that you want, not one that you’re forced to have.
You’ll be happy once you have [insert]1
Many people tell you you’ll be happy once you’re married or have a successful career, or get to travel. Surely those things can contribute to your happiness, but it doesn’t create happiness. Happiness is a choice – you have to decide to be happy and do the things that make you happy. Those ‘things’ are different for everyone.
Live each day as if it’s your last2
That’s impossible, I wouldn’t get anything done. I’d be too busy seeing my friends and family the whole time, I wouldn’t have a job.
I think there is a bit of truth in it; as in live each day so that you feel like you contributed a little to your purpose or dream, and often tell loved-ones that you care and love them.
Date your best friend2
Yes, your significant other will eventually become your best friend, but for a lot of people, they should not date their best friend. If things end badly your friends may have to choose between the two of you. It’s better to date outside of your group of friends.
The worst career advice
Get a good, secure job for the money1
I wouldn’t say that’s terrible advice in this day and age, not to mention the economy. But you’re at your job for most of the day, so it has to be something that you like. You don’t have to like every single aspect, but at least 80 per cent and be able to live with the other 20% It’s the 80/20 rule.
I don’t think it’s worth letting your family, relationships, and health suffer because you chose a ‘sensible’ job that you hate.
Do what you love (follow your dreams)3,4
It sounds ideal, but doing what you love doesn’t always bring in money. Then you’re forced to do something you like or merely tolerate until you have the luxury of doing what you love.
I don’t think your day job has to be your dream. My dream is to write full time, but that’s not possible. However, I get to help people at my day job – and I love helping people. Then I get to write in my spare time, it’s a good compromise.
Remember, you can always make your ‘dream career’ a side hustle until it’s good enough to be your main job.
Money can’t buy happiness3
Well, it’s sure as hell not going to make me sad.
I think if you have a lot of money but also meaningful relationships and a sense of purpose in your career, then money can just enhance your happiness because you don’t have financial worries for yourself or those you love.
If you’re average at school, you’ll be average all your life1
A lot of people who didn’t excel academically at school grew up to become very successful and rich. I think the best explanation is that they are street smart instead of book smart. On the other hand, a lot of people who excelled in academics at school turn out to be pretty average after school (I’m one of them).
Others
Blood is thicker than water2,3
You know what? Family members can be assholes too. Sometimes you need to cut those assholes out of your life. If someone is bad for your mental health, relationships, finances, etc. they need to go.
Depression is something you can snap out of3
Depression is not something you can just think away – it’s a complicated mental disease. You wouldn’t tell someone with diabetes to snap out of it, right? Then don’t say that to someone with a mental illness.
There are things you can do to manage your depression, but ‘snapping out of it’ is not one of them.
Kill them with kindness3
If you’re still kind to people after they have been mean to you or stabbed you in the back, sure be civil, but you don’t have to kill them with kindness. That will just be an invitation to use or betray you again. Be civil, but make it clear that you are not to be messed with.
Don’t quit3
Honestly, quitting can be the best thing to do in a situation. Sometimes you realise that you’ve made a mistake. I think it’s masochistic to just keep on going in a situation that’s not making you happy simply because you don’t want to quit. However, also know when something is too precious to quit.
Write what you know5
I write about stuff I don’t know about all the time. If you only write about what you know you’ll stagnate. Write about what fascinates you, and do the research – it’s a great way to broaden your horizons.
What is the worst advice that you’ve ever received? I’d love to know – contact details below.
Michelle
P.S. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to comment below, send an email to thatmichelleperson@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @M_ClutterBox.
I used these sources:
- https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/15-people-share-the-worst-advice-they-got-when-they-were-young
- https://twentytwowords.com/most-common-advise-completely-useless/
- https://thoughtcatalog.com/callie-byrnes/2017/11/44-people-got-real-about-the-worst-advice-theyve-ever-received-in-their-life/
- https://www.businessinsider.com/heres-the-worst-career-advice-youve-ever-received-2016-6?IR=T
- https://lifehacker.com/whats-the-worst-advice-you-hear-all-the-time-1831073020
Erin
Each one of these pieces of “worst advice” makes you think. Some of these can be good advice depending on the situation. For example, I think money can’t buy happiness, but we do need enough to take care of our basic needs. Rich people aren’t necessarily happy. The advice should be “money over a certain amount can’t buy more happiness”. I think the take away here is – listen to advice and apply it if it works, but think for yourself and use your common sense!
That Michelle Person
Thank you for your comment! I completely agree 🙂
Nini Moo
Enjoyed your article from the first to the last word. When I was in high school, older people would always tell me how I’m gonna miss school once I graduate. I couldn’t wait to leave school and start living my life. There wasn’t a single day when I wished that I was in high school again xx
That Michelle Person
The only thing I miss about high school is seeing my friends every day, and my back not hurting.