Things you cannot do with dignity

There are just some things that you cannot do in public with dignity. This may not be true for everyone, but most of them are true for me. They are embarrassing, but at least they’re entertaining for other people. Let’s begin the list:

Eat ribs

There is one restaurant in particular whose ribs I absolutely love. As much as I love them, you cannot eat that ish with a knife and fork – you have to eat it with your hands if you want the full rib experience. Also, the rib sauce always gets all over your hands and face (and sometimes clothes). All of this effectively means that I can only eat ribs alone, with my best friends or with my family.

Trip over something in public

 Need I say more? There is just no way you can recover from a trip or a near trip with dignity – I should know, it happens to me a lot.

Take small children shopping

 The thing you have to know about kids is that they have absolutely no shame. Once they have flipped, there is no negotiating with them. When they are tired or upset, they will make it known, loudly. They can sense that you are getting embarrassed and then use that against you to get what they want. How do I know this? I was a kid too, you know (and I was the worst).

Put eye drops in

 I was never able to do it myself, but my mom got annoyed with helping me with it, so I had to learn how to do it myself. I can only get it in the corner of my eye. The thing is, it’s like Russian Roulette whenever I have eye irritations and have to put eye drops in. Either I get it in and it helps. Or, I poke myself in the eye with the little eye drop bottle, and then the drops just irritate my eyes more. Also, my eyes start tearing up and then my make-up irritates my eyes even more. So, yep, I try not to do that in public.

I’m sure you can think of a lot more interesting ones. In that case, let me know (contact details below).



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