It’s almost Christmas 2020 and we all know what that means – stuffing your face and regretting it later. I’m kidding! It’s about spending time with loved ones.
I’ll admit, I have been pessimistic about Christmas (as can be seen here), but I decided that we’ll agree to disagree and wish you a very merry Christmas.
If you want, enjoy the overfull shopping centres and Christmas music that will be stuck in your head for weeks.
Enjoy eating too much on Christmas day and sleeping off your sugar-induced coma.
I hope you enjoy handing out gifts and then wondering what your gift is, or pretending you like something that was obviously bought last second. In our house, we all buy each other chocolates – because we all love chocolate and it’s relatively cheap.
Enjoy those Christmas movies, I know I’ll either be watching ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Love Actually’.
Usually, we have little entertainment on this day, so we entertain ourselves. One year we measured all our calves to see who had the most muscular ones (I won). Another year we took mascara and coloured my dad’s grey moustache and eyebrows pitch black. It was so amusing.
When we’re not measuring calves or misusing mascara, I will laugh at my dad as he watches TV. My dad always rants about Michael Bublé or Justin Bieber Christmas TV specials. Because my dad hates anyone besides Boney M who sings Christmas songs.
Enjoy taking pictures of your child sitting on a stranger’s lap in a red suit.
Side note: Those Santas are so creepy looking (or is it just me?). Where do they get those people? From the outside, it looks like homeless men with beards are in high demand this time of year.
Once I saw one of those Santas take a quick swig from his ‘water bottle’ on his break. Honey, you don’t make that face when you drink water. I didn’t know Santa had a drinking problem.
Also, the mannequin Santas don’t look much better. Those Santas have serious pedo vibes.
Lastly, enjoy starting fights with distant relatives around the dinner table. I’d love to hear about them.
Again, Merry Christmas, and congratulations – you survived 2020.
P.S. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to comment below, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org, or follow me on Twitter @M_ClutterBox.