It’s Halloween 2019

It’s that time of the year again – it’s Halloween 2019. Tonight will people go out, get drunk, and make bad decisions – so basically it’s like any other evening except people will be wearing slutty costumes.

Thursday is a weird day for Halloween, isn’t it? It’s not typically the day that most responsible working people go out and party. So most clubs or pubs have their Halloween thing either the weekend before or after Halloween, or even on the day, which means you can have three dress-up Halloween parties this year if you really want to. I’m only going to two, which already feels like one too many.

The first Halloween party

Saturday I went to the first Halloween party and it was okay. There were very few people who really went all out with their costumes. I didn’t go as anything spectacular – I went as Grandpa Rick from ‘Rick and Morty’. All you need is a blue wig, blue shirt, and lab coat – boom, costume.

Holy smokes there so many slutty costumes were to be seen, it was just an ass and titties where ever you looked. I don’t have anything against someone dressing up slutty, I don’t care, but I feel that you can dress up as absolutely anything on Halloween. On Halloween you can be a Jedi knight, an avenger, a cartoon character, but what do you decide to be? A slutty cat (or insert any other noun here)? Seriously? That’s how far your imagination took you?

The right costume to catch his eye

But I get it, some girls are purely there to pick up a guy, it’s all the more reason to dress up as something really cool instead of something that is just slutty. Here’s my reasoning: if you’re in something slutty then you have 90% of the women there as your competition because they are also dressed as something slutty. But if you’re wearing something cool like a Jedi costume (I have never met a man who didn’t have a hard-on for Star Wars) then you will stand out. Also, it’s easier for a guy to approach you because the outfit is already something to talk about, and he doesn’t have to worry about staring at your semi-exposed breasts the whole time. Plus, if you actually are a fan of whatever nerdy thing you dressed up as, then all the better. Ladies, this is how you find a quality guy.

Crime and Halloween don’t mix

Also, South Africa isn’t that big on trick or treating, mostly because crime is such a huge problem here – it’s very difficult to just go up to someone’s door because of the huge fences and security. Those poor people won’t know whether the idiot in the Joker-outfit wants candy or the entire content of their home.

Things that haunt your dreams

Halloween isn’t just about dressing up, but also about watching horror movies. I hate horror movies because I have an over-active imagination. You know what? Real-life is a whole lot scarier than horror movies anyway. Think about it.

For instance, you know what’s really scary? Going to a public restroom and seeing how many people don’t wash their hands. The scariest part is when you notice how many of those people work at restaurants – ew.

(Skip this paragraph if you don’t want to read me rant about personal hygiene) What makes it even worse is that this is a common problem among the whole population. For example, one time a friend (a guy) of mine was at my house for a party. I stood outside the bathroom waiting for him to finish because nature was calling me too. I heard the toilet flush and immediately afterward he came out. I asked if he was going to wash his hands and he said, “No, my hands are clean.” I lost it. I think I said something along the lines of, “Dude, you just touched your d!@k, go wash your hands!”

It’s a scary world

Here are some other things that are scary:

  • The news (the proper news, not TMZ – that’s scary for other reasons)
  • Unemployment
  • Taxes
  • 15 missed calls from mom (even as an adult)
  • People asking me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
  • Your favourite TV show ending (I still hate Jeremy Clarkson, but I also refuse to watch the new TopGear, or should I say FlopGear?)

Okay, so those last ones are first world problems but I reckon they should still count.

To my American readers, enjoy trespassing on strangers’ properties and then demanding candy.



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