My mom and her bitches

I’m talking about my mom and our dogs, of course. We have two dogs (two females, but there used to be a male as well) and my mom absolutely adores them. So, let me tell you about my mom and her bitches.

The way she talks to them

She treats them like humans, especially the way she talks to them. For instance, when she wants a dog to get out of her way, she doesn’t shout ‘Get out!’ like a normal person. She says something like, ‘Come on lovey, Mommy’s in a hurry’.

One time she gave them leftover tea and said ‘Drink up, it contains anti-oxidants’. First of all, they’re dogs, they don’t understand. Secondly, even if they did understand I don’t think they’d be too bothered with anti-oxidants.

I once heard my mom tell the dogs how much joy they bring into her life, which is sweet and all, but again, they’re dogs – they don’t understand. They look all joyful when she says stuff like that to them, but she probably sounds the way Charlie Brown’s teacher sounds to him – just gibberish.

Nina, the fat ninja

When one of our dogs died, my mom was very upset. I must say she and that dog had some kind of a mind connection. We got a new dog after that. Her name’s Nina and she’s a Labrador. That dog is so gangster and a freaking ninja. She’s also fat, so we gave her the nickname ‘fat ninja’.  We also sometimes call her ‘white supremacist’ because she bullies our miniature border collie, who is black.

This dog is a ninja because for the life of me I could swear I put her outside just five minutes ago, and then when I turn around, she’s there looking at me, all like ‘What? I’m cute, bitch! I can do what I want’. She usually takes a nap next to my parents’ bed, on my mom’s side.

They eat a lot

Our dogs adore my mom and follow her around most of the time, mostly because she’s the source of food. If you think that a Boer bull or bulldogs eat a lot, you should see a Labrador go at it. Nina eats anything and everything. And of course, what goes in, must come out … The weird thing is, she has a specific place in the garden where she does her business. There, and only there, will she answer the call of nature.  It’s like Nina’s island of shit.

They love us so much

In the mornings our dogs are so happy to see us – especially Nina (fat ninja). She runs around like a squirrel on crack. Then she goes through every room in the house to see if we may not have by accident have left some food lying around. She used to jump on my parents’ bed to say good morning if they were still sleeping (luckily, she grew out of that).

My brother said we should have called her ‘Marley’ but I think we should have rather called her ‘Satan’ because that dog is out of control.

My mom loves the dogs like they’re her kids, and they are her furry babies– furry babies with weird habits.

‘Bitches be cray-cray’ –lyrics from some rap song

Meh.

Michelle

P.S. If you’d like to contact me, feel free to comment below, send an email to thatmichelleperson@gmail.com, or follow me on Twitter @M_ClutterBox.