Weird presents

It’s almost Christmas and we all know what that means – pretending to like weird presents. Weird presents (or rather horrible presents), as in presents that make you think, “You know what? You getting me nothing would have been a better present.”

First of all

To all the haters who think, “This ungrateful bitch, she should be happy that someone gave her anything,” you are absolutely right.

But I needed something to blog about, and this is what my weird brain came up with.

Enjoy the weirdness.

Weird presents that I’ve received

Our family always gives each other chocolate for Christmas. My parents also gave us money when we were younger. This year, like every other year, I will be happy with my presents (except that I’m getting fat).

I wasn’t always lucky to get good presents. I have received some strange presents in my time.

On my fifteenth birthday, we were visiting my grandmother. Just before we left to drive back to Bloemfontein, she gave me a two-litre ice cream tub and said that it was for my birthday.

In the car, I opened it and was quite confused by the content. There were a bunch of weird items, like doll hats, coloured rocks, old perfume (with a note that read: “Get well soon”) and three golf balls. Everyone in my family thought that it was hilarious.

One year my dad gave me a watch for my birthday. He gave it to me quite early and by “early” I mean in October (my birthday is early December).

That Saturday he got home from shopping with my mom and gave me the watch with the words, “This is for your birthday. Remember this, because I’m not buying you another present.”

I found out he bought it in a parking lot. Yeah, dodgy much? None the less, I liked the watch and wore it often… until it got stolen.

I deserve it

Maybe I deserve all the weird presents that I’ve received so far.

When I was about four years old, my oldest brother and I gave my other brother two bricks for his birthday as a joke. We put the bricks in a Weet-bix box and wrapped it.

My brother was very excited about his big and heavy present. When he started unwrapping it and saw his ‘present’ he started crying. Yes, I laughed, but I feel terrible about it now.

What to do?

What I’m trying to say is that if you don’t know what to get someone as a present, do what we do and give them chocolate …

… except if the person is a diabetic.

Festive meh.


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Weird presents