I’ve been reading a couple of my old blog posts about love (from my previous blog). Most of them are a couple of years old, and damn, they are so pessimistic. I especially hated Valentine’s Day. What happened in the meantime? Well, I fell in love – hard. Now I’m all the things that I used to hate because bae and I have that cheesy love that makes everyone gag (sorry, not sorry).
My hate of Valentine’s Day
I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day, but I don’t mind it. I buy bae chocolate and tell him how much I love him, and he does the same for me. We’ve been together for a little over two years now, and I’m starting to reach the point where I’m struggling to figure out what to buy him on special days. How do people do this when they’ve been together for decades? (Side note: he told me to stop buying him chocolates, but I didn’t listen).
I used to hate Valentine’s Day because I was always single when it came around. I studied and worked at the university in town, and then I was surrounded by happy couples and their cheesy love. I’d see girls carrying flowers and guys treating their ladies like queens, and it made me sad and bitter (bah-humbug!).
Ah, yes, the public display of affection. Well, I never used to be a fan of seeing it, but now I’m super guilty of it. I hated when people or students on campus smooched each other in public – I still do. I mean, at least keep it classy. It’s uncomfortable for everyone if it looks like you’re seconds away from ripping each other’s clothes off. Seriously, get a room.
I like physical contact – it’s my main love language (I know because I took an online quiz on it). So, yes, I’m guilty of PDA. I like giving my boyfriend a hug, or a kiss in public. Also, I like it when he puts his arm around me, and I’ll rest my hand on his leg. We do keep to boundaries – as stated above. We don’t want to completely gross people out.
I didn’t hate all couples, there were couples who kind of gave me hope. One of my friends who studied with me has been with her boyfriend for almost 12 years. You should see them together; they ooze awesomeness. It’s so obvious that they are crazy about each other but you don’t feel uncomfortable or like a third wheel when you hang out with them. They have moved away since the completion of our studies, but they’re still going strong through all life’s changes.
Love is disguised madness
What is love anyway? Shakespeare described it best; it is a madness most discreet (Romeo and Juliet). I guess that is true for a lot of people, especially at the beginning of a new relationship where there’s that intense infatuation. The phase where you can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t concentrate or do anything productive. In other words, you’re rendered completely useless to society. Later that phase passes and you establish a supportive friendship at the core and grow together, while still having the benefits of being a couple (you know what I mean – cheesy love benefits).
While we’re talking about madness, let’s be honest, some people do some crazy stuff for love. Changing themselves, or lying about who they are, moving for another person, watching Star Wars and then realising that you actually like it – you know, stuff like that. I feel that if you made a change in your life for another person and not for yourself, it’s not sustainable and it can lead to a lot of resentment.
Later you become more realistic
I don’t mean to sound ancient, but I think as you grow older you become a bit more realistic as to what a relationship does, and what it doesn’t. For example, a relationship doesn’t fix you, and it shouldn’t be your source of confidence. Obviously, it should create the environment for you to live your best life, work on yourself, and do positive things. However, again, the emphasis should still be on you and you’re the one doing the work on yourself.
The media, especially movies, attach this status to being in love. They make you feel like there is something wrong with you if you’re not in a relationship. It’s like you need someone to complete you. BS. You don’t need someone to complete you. I mean, if I feel that there is something missing in my life, I’m the only one who can rectify it not someone else. I think that you already have to be complete to be with someone. After all this time, I still stand by this point. However, it is nice to have a partner who supports you when you want to better yourself.
Also, I hate it when old ladies say, “It will happen when you least expect it”. Yes, it’s true (for me too), but it doesn’t just fall into your lap, you still have to do something. You still have to put your heart on the line and be vulnerable, be willing to get to know someone, and then work on the relationship.
Maybe you’ll find someone, maybe you won’t – that’s something you have to be willing to live with. As mentioned, you can’t find someone if you’re not willing to be vulnerable and open to it.
Why do we do it?
Love is a billion-dollar industry: movies, books, flowers, chocolates, match-making agencies. The demise of love is possibly an even bigger industry: divorces, book deals, and interviews (this is more applicable to celebrities, though).
Then why do we seek love if it only costs us money and heart-ache? Is it really that elusive warm, fuzzy feeling on the inside? For some people it is – but then they’re not after love, they’re after novelty. Maybe we all just want to be with our best friend we also want to jump? I wish that for everyone.
Cheesy love is divine.
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